What the hell!
by insanewelshangel
Summary: KaiRei oneshot. How will Kai react when Rei shows him something different to read? And how will Rei be able to deal with him?


**Insanewelshangel**: I'm just poking fun (smiles) So fun to write this! Rated T just in case.

**Disclaimer**: Beyblade © Aoki Takao.

**Dedication**: To the boy in my _Biology_ class who said, "Isn't heterosexual when you like both girls and boys?" Even though he will never read this or know of it. I love you for that, man. How the hell you got into the top set for Biology is beyond me.

**Warning**: Yaoi. Some swearing … Oneshot!

* * *

Rei settled down on the chair, adjusting it to his height and logging onto the computer with a _tappity-tap_ and a relieved smile. He wasn't the most technologically advanced brain in the world. But then again, why would he want to be? Look at Kenny for god's sake, and Emily, that was enough to scare him off even considering an email account. That was, until his oh-so-yummy-scrumptious-eat-you-all-up boyfriend told him he had one himself, and they were perfectly fine.

So the neko-jin bravely, with a pillow as a shield, sat in front of the computer for the first time, with that delicious lover as mentioned beside him, explaining what to do and how to do it. Ever since then he came on three times a month and would wander around, in fan chat rooms making the fan-girls go: "OmG!111! LiKe IT iS U!11!" And then some other fans go: "You and Kai are fucking PERFECT as a couple! I heart you two together!" And not forgetting the boys who'd try to act all cool and indifferent but were big piles of pink mush in reality.

Opening his inbox, Rei told himself he was a mad man for doing this. Just like all the other times he checked his inbox. Only two weeks and already he had over 200 emails. He groaned and reached for the aspirin, popping the pills he prepared himself for the grand ordeal. The death. The torture. The no sex for over five hours and - never mind.

"Ok, and behind door number one we have ..." He clicked on the subject heading and knew it was from a fangirl straight away. 'Heyazz Rei! You are like so fit, and perfect, and you blade so good and Driger is so cute and your hair is so soft and your eyes are beautiful and your teeth sparkle and what brand of underwear do you have on?'

_Ok_, ignoring that one.

"Next!" He said quickly, smiling at the ones that genuinely asked for help or questions that didn't scare the crap out of him, even the compliments. He was too humble though and would just blush, moving on to replying. He swore that Kai was writing some of these, just to make his face glow red. It was the same trend until something different popped up, with a shiny looking link to a website. It was practically screaming '**click on me**', highlighted in blue and everything! Unable to resist, Rei sat up and clicked on it. Golden eyes widened in anticipation.

Fiction Fanatics - Where the truly fanatical come to write!

Rei cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, seeing 'Beyblade' fiction above what looked to be a story. The neko-jin looked around the room and leant forward, expecting it to be something about the tournaments, bitbeasts, or even rumours; it was far from what he thought ...

_Rei smiled as he watched Kai, his friend (because he would like never fancy him! I mean oh please, like eww!), grab Cassandra by the waist and pull her against his strong, muscular chest. "Cassie, baby," he said, looking down at her gorgeous, perfect pink eyes, shadowed by her oh so dark past that was so dreadful she lost her memory because of it. Oh woe is her!_

"_Yes?" She questioned, fluttering her long, black eyelashes and swiping her shiny, soft hair from her face. Such a goddess of beauty! Even though she would never think so, she thought she was terribly ugly in her tight fitting hot pants and her clingy vest. Her self-esteem was so low, even though she bagged the hottest, sexiest, coolest boy eveeer._

"_I love you." _

"_Oh Kai! I love you too! I never thought this day would come!" _

_The Russian hottie smiled joyfully and felt tears streaming down his face, and Rei leant down to kiss Mariah happily._

Kai frowned at Rei, covering his ears with an agitated look. "Rei! Stop laughing!"

The neko-jin pointed at the screen, clutching his stomach as he laughed loudly, beckoning to Kai to read it whenever he managed to calm himself down. "Look!" He gasped, wiping tears from his eyes, chortling every now and then. Kai rolled his eyes and stood behind the chair, wrapping his arms around Rei's neck from behind and resting his chin on the ebony haired boy's head while he scanned the text.

Rei couldn't look at the screen, he would break into giggles and Kai would push him slightly to shut up. He placed his hands over his mouth and willed the humour from himself. "What do you think?" He asked the dual hair. Not receiving an answer, Rei turned around and started laughing all over again.

Kai shook his head, mouth open, eyebrows furrowed and eyes blinking. "What the hell?" He spluttered.

"I know." Rei stood up and mock pouted. "Who's Cassie?"

"Shurrup," Kai smirked, pulling the neko-jin closer, wrapping his arms around his waist. "You and Mariah?"

Rei gave a bright smile. "I'd rather stab my eyes out with Tyson's penis."

Kai snorted but agreed whole-heartedly. "If you could find it," he muttered, tracing his lips over Rei's sensitive ear.

"No, no kissing or touching! Because I mean come on, like eww!" He teased, eyes sparkling and sitting back down. Kai sighed and rolled his eyes as Rei went to the 'just in' section and searched for some more. Knowing he wasn't going to get his hot make out session anytime soon, Kai picked Rei up and sat down on the chair instead, placing the neko-jin on his lap.

"What are you looking for now?" He asked, nuzzling his face into the black hair lazily.

"Shh!"

Kai resisted rolling his eyes again fastening his hands together on Rei's stomach, his arms already around the Chinese youth, and yawned slightly. He had just started counting how many planks of wood there were on the floor when Rei jumped slightly and pointed at the screen again, shouting at Kai to look. The bluenette was more focused on the friction going on between him and Rei jumping about than whatever was being pointed at. "What?"

Rei settled down, moving to make his self more comfortable, not realising what he was doing to his boyfriend. "Look what I found. It's a story about you and me!" He squealed, eyes shining childishly. "Let's read it!"

The Russian considered declining and ravishing the boy there and then, but one look at the pout and the watery eyes and he knew it was a battle he couldn't win. Giving in reluctantly he scanned through the text and found it much more approved than the last one. "I wouldn't say that," he criticised.

"It'd be sweet if you did though."

"I would never wear that either."

"Kai, shut up." Rei smiled.

"… what the hell were they thinking when they made me do that?"

Rei nudged him in the ribs and searched for more. Then he frowned and turned to Kai with a panic-stricken face. "They know!"

"Huh?"

"THEY KNOW!" He yelled, grabbing Kai's shoulders. "They know we're together, they know what we do! They fricking know!"

"Who?"

"Them!" He pointed accusingly at the computer. Kai looked at Rei with an odd expression, sorrow clear in his eyes and he held Rei close and stroked his hair.

"We're going to get you the best medical help possible," He informed the neko-jin.

"Oh haha," he drawled, shifting purposely to get sweet revenge. "They are writing stories about us, together, get it?"

"…"

Obviously not, then. "As in we're at it like scientifically altered rabbits!"

'_I wish,'_ Kai thought. "So?"

"So! Our secret is out! We agreed not to let the world know, because of all the questions and the media on our back, being plastered over the tabloids and -"

Kai sighed and searched for other pairings while Rei ranted on. "See? It's just some fans who like the idea of various people together, it's nothing about reality and - what the _hell_ were they thinking!" He roared staring at a summary with KaixKenny on it. "That little … me and … what the … just _**no**_!"

Rei smirked. "Well I don't know Kai, I mean, I have seen you making eyes at him lately." He paused dramatically, wiping non-existent tears away. "Maybe he's who you think of when we make love!" With that, he chocked out a loud sob and covered his eyes with his hands. Kai wasn't amused and stood up, grinning with satisfaction when Rei stopped laughing and went 'ouch' from landing on the floor. "Kai?"

"Hn."

"Come back here." The ebony haired male demanded, trying to look stern but failing with the pout on his face. Kai's left eyebrow twitched and he sat down again, crossing his arms. Rei perched on Kai's lap and kept on reading. The Russian threw his hands into the air exasperated and lent his head back, wondering how many cups of sugar it took to get to the moon.

"200 000, 200 001, 200 002," he murmured, visualising it in his head.

Rei blushed as he read further down, eyes widening and the red colour becoming stronger. He quickly clicked off and turned to Kai, yanking him up by his scarf and pressing his lips heatedly against the two-toned male's mouth. Breaking off he licked down the pale neck and started unbuckling Kai's belt. "Kai -"

The Russian held up a hand in a silent gesture. "200 027, 200 028-"

"Kai!" Rei moaned, ducking his head into the crook of Kai's neck, whining when he continued counting. "Stop it."

"200…oh great I've lost count now. Why are you so _active_ all of a sudden?" Rei squirmed under Kai's questioning gaze. The elder smirked and reached forward to look through the history and found the story Rei had clicked off so quickly.

"Nooo!"

Kai trapped Rei's arms by circling one of his around him and clicked onto what the neko-jin had last read. Rei was squirming franticly in his arms, but that only made the Russian smile more. After a while, he stopped laughing at Rei and stared at the screen. The neko-jin, blushing ten-fold, buried his face into Kai's neck and mumbled into it about him being mean. "Well," he smirked in a way the devil would be proud of. "Haven't we got imaginative fans? Christ, this one got bondage."

"Kai!" Rei looked up at him with a pout. "That's not funny."

"I think it is."

"Do you think they just write in hope that we'll read them?" The Chinese asked, trying to change the subject. He failed. Kai was still reading, the grin on his face growing with every sentence.

"Rei, you _whore,_" he laughed. "This is like a whole stack of personal porn." The neko-jin gave a slight chuckle, covering his mouth in an effort not to laugh. "You know what?"

"What?"

"They really get some things wrong. You don't moan like that when I touch you there, and you hate it when I-"

"Kai!"

"What? It's true." He shrugged, a demonic glint glowing in his crimson depths. "You know what I think?"

"No, and I'm not sure I want to know."

"We should take up an account and write our_ own _stories." He sniggered, looking at Rei's shocked face. "Can you imagine the look on their faces when they read it? Up close and personal with Kai and Rei, sounds good eh?"

"It sounds like you're a bigger pervert then I first thought." Rei smiled, it would be nice to unleash his creative writing talent. But he didn't want to write what Kai would no doubt like to, he liked the softer stories. What was it people called them? "Fluff."

"Excuse me?"

Rei looked at Kai's bewildered face and smiled. "Fluff."

"You're asking the wrong person, go ask Tyson."

"Kaaii! I meant what they write! The softer stories."

"Oh."

"Yes oh!" Rei said, stuck between laughing and disgust. "I'd write those ones. Then people can see how adorable you really are."

Kai didn't look too pleased with that. "Fine then, that means they can also read how loud you can really moan when-" He broke off smirking, staring into space while Rei glared at him. After a couple of seconds passed by, Rei prodded Kai's arm, but his partner just remained in his adult rated thoughts. Eyes glazing further with every passing minute. Rei knew the signs, Kai daydreamed a lot and from the glazed eyes, slightly parted mouth but still smirking and holding Rei much tighter, they all equalled into B. A. H. No, not the noise sheep make, but Beyond All Hope. The second to last stage of Kai's daydreaming in pervert land. It was rather fun there …

The neko-jin sighed, head butting his partner only to have no response whatsoever. He had to act quickly before-

"Rei…"

That happened. The final stage-eyes closed and Rei's name being said under Kai's breath. Poor, poor thing. Knowing his duty, but not exactly happy about it, Rei pressed his lips to Kai's and wrapped his arms around the bluenette's neck. The Russian immediately left his land of make believe since reality was so much better in this case. Noticing Kai now had normal brain function back, Rei pulled away pouting. Kai returned the pout thinking he was the one who had been deprived.

"Well, I thought you might be too busy visualising cups of sugar"

"But you're the sweetest thing I could ever have," he replied, trying to flatter his way out of a possible Mood Number One. The worst mood of Rei's ever. In other words -- no sex.

Obviously, to a boy like Kai, it was hell.

"Not working."

"Damn … hah, I remember now! You were too busy reading about Mariah to notice me first of all," he said smugly, Rei glared at him, sitting straight instead of leaning against the dual hair and attempted to get up.

"Let go of me."

"Never!"

"Kaaaaiii."

"I really like it when you moan my name, go on do it again."

"… pervert"

"Stop calling me that."

"That's what you are!"

"So? I don't go calling you sex on legs all the time do I?"

Rei narrowed his ablaze golden eyes to turn and look incredulously at the smirking teen. "You called me it in front of Mr. Dickinson!"

"Like he minded, he's a bigger pervert than I'll ever b-"

"Then when I was on the phone!"

"And?"

"It was to Max's father, Kai!"

"What was he doing talking to you anyway?" He asked suspiciously. "I'm gonna have to watch him"

"You screamed it in the supermarket when you couldn't find me! You call me it all the time!"

"…"

"What? No come back?"

"Well, it is true; you _are_ sex on le-"

"I'm not going to let you sweet talk me this time."

"You always seem to like the result of it though," Kai whispered huskily, pulling Rei down onto him, resuming his appreciation of Rei's ear from earlier.

Blushing again, Rei tried clearing his throat to cover up his embarrassment. "So?"

"And you didn't mind being frisky earlier," Kai added, now moving down the youth's neck.

Oh, he was so giving in. "A-and?"

"Annnddd ……" Kai's eyes widened, before he smiled and nuzzled the soft skin of the tanned neck. "'Cause I love you."

"Is that all?" Rei teased.

Kai poked the ebony haired boy's nose before kissing him, slipping his tongue into the awaiting mouth when given the opportunity and gliding his hands down until they rested on that pleasantly warm, toned but soft and unfortunately -for him- clothed backside. He had to write a story about it one day …

"What is it with you and my behind?"

"What is it with you and questions?"

"What is it with you and being sarcastic?"

"One, it's so gorgeous and I can't help myself and two, because it's impossible not to be sarcastic in this house."

"Watermelon."

"What the hell?"

"I know what my first story will be about! Remember the watermelon?"

Cue dreamy face. "…Yeah … I remember …"

"Damn creep," Rei muttered, quickly Eskimo kissing the elder before he slipped away. "I meant before you went all suggestive, just holding hands and laughing. That was so nice …"

"Yeah, so was what happened after it."

"Shut up or I'll go find Mariah," Rei smiled, moving closer to the warm body. Getting what Kai liked to call it as '_active_' again.

"Hey guys have you seen Kenny?" Tyson asked walking in before turning around and walking straight back out again. Rubbing his forehead, he collapsed beside Max on the sofa. "Those two are getting into Mood Number Six again."

"Ohh, I need a proper night's sleep."

"Me too."

"They should find another way to vent all that … exigency."

"Poor Rei."

"What?" Max asked, looking confused.

"How can he walk after that?"

The blonde paused then burst out laughing despite Tyson being concerned and genuinely worried.

"You know what Rei?" Kai said in between kisses and quick gasps of breath.

"Yeah?" Rei managed to say as his eyes closed in bliss.

"Fuck fiction, reality is so much better."

For once, that was so true.

* * *

**Insanewelshangel**: Plotless, short but I enjoyed writing it. All hail pervert Kai!

Anyway, review please? X3

Edit: 06/09/09. Just some typos/ grammar.


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